A collection of some tattoo
jokes to share with you guys:
John told his wife Wendy that he wanted
a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said, "Well, if you really loved
me, go get my name tattooed on your dick".
The next day John went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist
told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on.
After an hour of pain, the tattoo was done.
As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor, he decided
to stop for a pee. He went to the restroom and looked down to
admire his tattoo and noticed that when he was not erect, the
only letters visible were W and Y.
Suddenly, a huge guy steps into the urinal beside him and John
accidentally looked down at the guy and noticed that he also had
the letters W and Y tattooed.
So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife
named Wendy too."
The guy looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"
John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so
you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The guy laughed and said, "No man, that tattoo says, "Welcome
to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
A man goes to a tattoo artist and says:
"I'd like you to tattoo a one-hundred dollar bill onto my
dick." The tattoo artist is
surprised: "Well, that could hurt a lot! Why would you want
a 100 dollar bill on your dick? The
man answers, "Three reasons:
1) I want to watch my money grow,
2) I want to play with my money,
3) When my wife decides to blow a hundred bucks she won't have
to leave the house!"
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks
to tattoo a picture of a turkey on her right thigh just below
her bikini line. She also wants the artist to put "Happy
Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the artist does it and
she was really pleased.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry
Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it
comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says,
"If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put
such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She said, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all
the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving
A woman is picked up by Soccer Star and
she follows him back to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing
all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads,
"Reebok." She thinks that is a bit odd and asks him
about it. He says, "When I play, the cameras pick up the
tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later,
his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his
leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally,
the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS"
tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not
going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He says, "In
a minute it's going to say 'ADIDAS'...
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room,
when a young woman in pain entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep
off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
A woman is frustrated with her love life
because her husband has a massive crush on Brigette Bardot and
ignores her completely. To regain his attentions, she goes to
a tattoo artist to have the letters 'B' tattooed on each of her
buttock. When her husband gets home from work that night, she
greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress
to expose the artwork.
"What do you think?" the wife says.
"Uh, who the fuck is Bob?" the husband replies.
A man went into a tattoo parlor to have
the words "yes" and "no" tattooed on his penis,
and the job was completed in an hour. That night the man went
home approached his wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his
pants, then his boxer shorts, and there was his aroused organ
displaying his new tattoo. He asked his wife, "Well Honey,
what do you think of my new tattoo?" She said, "You
tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell
me how to do the laundry...and now you are going to put words
in my mouth?"
The doctor noted with astonishment a tattoo
of a bluebird on the shoulder of his 70 year old patient, who
was in his office for her annual check up. She told him that she
had wanted one her whole life, so she and her 16 yr old grandson
decided that they would do birthday tattoos together. The doctor
inquired why she had not got one sooner. Until now, she replied,
" I was afraid of what my mother would say!"
A professional poker player went to the
hospital for some routine tests. An older nurse walks in and they
strike up a conversation about poker. While talking she lets him
know that she has to shave him down below for the test, which
is part of the testing procedures. He agrees, so she starts shaving
when she notices a tattoo that says the word " R U S H "
in a interesting place. Later she tells her co-worker, a young
attractive voluptuous brunette, about the tattoo. The younger
nurse decides that she wants to see this tattoo for herself. She
enters the poker players room and tells him that she has to do
some "follow up" work and that it will only take a moment.
She bends over, while exposing her voluptuous cleavage, and fiddles
around looking for the tattoo. Afterwards the younger nurse goes
back to the older nurse and says, "I must have gone to the
wrong room. The guy I saw was a poker player also, but his tattoo
said 'R O Y A L F L U S H'."